She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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