Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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