Your face is a jimmy john
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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