I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
