but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
