How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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