I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
