I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
