Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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