Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My dick has a subreddit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize