Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
