Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
