3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
