i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
