capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
