I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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