I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
