I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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