Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
