thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
