You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
