sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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