We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
