the day after is always just damage control
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
