Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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