she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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