Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
