Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
