seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
