I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
