I think my vagina is haunted
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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