ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
