Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
