I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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