i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
