I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
