I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
