Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
