sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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