Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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