Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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