operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
