Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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