Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
FYI - Donβt go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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