A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
