I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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