Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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