You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
