Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
