weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wanna go halves on a baby?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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