I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
