Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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