but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
