I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
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He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize