she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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