1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
