Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
