I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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