Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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