Tell her she can't have a vagina
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we should paint friendship bongs
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