My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
